Uncertainty
by Nightengale
Summary: Contains spoilers for season 1. Tosh and Ianto talk about Jack, feelings let out. Will he come back?


Today had been a long day. At 8 AM, before all of them had even come into work, a wave of Tee'dals had come through the rift. There had been about twenty of the reptile-like species and they had promptly decided that human was the new best dish on the menu, making Cardiff become something out of _Jurassic Park_. Owen, Gwen, Tosh, and Ianto had spent all day chasing them down. Ianto had ended up using his own car in the chase, Owen nearly crashed the SUV, Tosh accidentally wounded a civilian and Gwen got her arm clawed up by one Tee'dal.

However, by 9 PM all the Tee'dal were either dead or down in a holding cell inside the hub. Then after that it had been a retcon happy night for Ianto and Tosh while Owen and Gwen patched up the few civilians that were injured. Gwen had refused medical attention until the others were seen to despite Owen's insistence.

Now, Owen was downstairs sewing Gwen up while Ianto and Tosh were upstairs in the conference room dealing with the paper work.

"I think I've got everyone we retconed here." Ianto said, putting the files in a stack. "37 in total."

"Does that include the guy that I…" Tosh trailed off and looked down at the table.

Glancing up from the paper in front of him, Ianto looked at Tosh. She was biting her lips, eyes clearly looking at something beyond the table. Ianto knew the sort of guilt she was feeling, being responsible for someone else getting hurt. Ianto knew what that felt like all too well.

"Tosh." Ianto said, trying to bring her out of where she had gone.

Tosh looked up at him and forced out a smile.

"It's alright, Tosh," Ianto said, looking right at her, "it was an accident, he is ok."

"I know." Tosh looked away out through the glass, over the hub. "I just…"

She trailed off again and Ianto waited, trying to look supportive and comforting. Shaking her head Tosh picked up a paper in front of her.

"Anyway," she said. "I can't believe twenty Tee'dals came through the rift! There haven't been any of them here since the 70s."

"'72," Ianto said, "And it was only one."

They both fell silent then, shuffling through the papers on the conference table. Ianto glanced at Tosh quickly then looked away again. Perhaps it was better just to skirt around the issue. God knows Ianto was very good at that. Plus, if it was what Tosh wanted then so be it. Ianto knew she would be all right. Everyone had it a little tougher now that there were only four of them but Ianto knew they could all take care of each other. Well, take care of each other enough at least.

Ianto checked through the stack of files, checking that all 37 people were there. Across the table Tosh wrote some notes in their file on the Tee'dal, no doubt correcting what before had been circumstantial knowledge on the species.

"Well," Ianto said, picking up his pile of files and standing up, "I think I'll-"

"Ianto." Tosh cut him off suddenly.

He stopped and looked at her. The atmosphere in the room unexpectedly became far more serious. Neither one moved as Tosh stared at Ianto, indecision in her expression. Ianto waited until Tosh folded her hands together and slowly opened her mouth.

"Do you miss Jack?"

Anyone who did not know Ianto would have failed to notice the slight clench of his jaw and stiffness in his shoulders.

"Don't we all?" Ianto countered, only his eyes moving as he looked away.

"Of course," Tosh said, "But…" She paused until Ianto looked back at her. "But do you miss Jack the way… the way I miss Mary?"

"You mean like he was an alien?"

They both laughed and some of the tension in the conversation diffused. After all, Jack was pretty alien in some ways for real. As their laughter subsided Ianto's grin faded and his expression became blank.

"Ianto."

"Yes, Tosh." He looked into her eyes suddenly. "I do miss him."

Thinking about it then Ianto realized that he and Tosh had similar feelings now, missing someone they had loved and someone who had betrayed them. Of course it was a little different for each of then. However, Ianto knew that despite the short time they had together Mary had really impacted Tosh. He couldn't imagine what it must have been like, how intimate to have someone else touch your thoughts and you touch theirs. Then on the other side there was Ianto, missing a man who had chosen to leave. They knew what had happened and Jack had left by choice, not force. So, what did that say about Ianto?

His feelings must have been showing on his face or Tosh had learned to read his blank expressions because she had stood up and was beside him now. He looked down at her and saw the beginning of tears in her eyes.

"Do you think he's going to come back?" She asked.

"I…" Ianto started then sighed.

Ianto dropped his files down on the table and put his hands on his hips. He stared over Tosh's head out the glass. He wanted to believe that Jack was going to come back. Jack would return, apologize profusely to all of them, to him, take Ianto into his arms, kiss him, tell Ianto he loved him, and they could all be Torchwood again. Then there was another part of him that wanted to punch Jack in the face if he did come back, curse him, hurt him, and then refuse to care any more about Captain Jack Harkness. There was also a small part of him that didn't want jack to come back at all.

Looking back to Tosh, Ianto just shook his head, breathing slowly to control his voice.

"I don't know, Tosh. I mean… did any of us really know Jack at all? Who could tell if he'll come back to us or not?"

A tear leaked out of Tosh's eye and she leaned her head against Ianto's chest.

"I know. He was waiting for someone and now that he found them why would be want to come back to us?"

She choked back a sob as she spoke and Ianto suddenly pulled her into a tight hug. It was what he had been thinking but didn't want to think. He didn't want to think or admit that to Jack he'd only been something small, a moment in Jack's years and years of waiting. Ianto didn't want to be just a time passer. Hadn't Jack kissed Ianto when he returned from days of death?

"Do you think he loves you, Ianto?" Tosh asked quietly, her arms now wrapped around Ianto.

For a moment Ianto wanted to laugh at how serious and intimate he and Tosh were being right then. It was rather strange what loss could bring out. But Ianto wasn't sure what to do anymore but go on.

Finally Ianto remembered to answer Tosh. "Could he?" was all Ianto said in response; Ianto didn't want to say more.

Tosh's head came up from where it had been buried in his chest. Ianto looked down at her, worried she had actually been crying, and her lips touched his. He suddenly felt hot as her hands clutched at his shirt jacket. Ianto thought of Lisa and Jack and coffee and Tosh's smile. Her lips pushed harder against his and he thought of… of gun shots and fire and running and screaming and drowning and Jack and Jack.

He let go of her once she pulled her lips away. She looked at him expectantly, slowly removing her hands from his body.

"Tosh…" he started looking at the ground.

"I'm sorry." Tosh's hand was on her lips and she was staring at Ianto like she'd only just seen him. Slowly she dropped her hand and the wild expression on her face relaxed. "I'm sorry, Ianto. I shouldn't have done that."

Ianto looked up at her but didn't respond. She gazed back at him and chuckled quietly.

"You are gorgeous, you know? I'm sorry I didn't really notice you sooner what with Ow… well… and now I thought…"

Tosh smiled faintly at him.

"I can't, Tosh." Ianto replied.

He looked at the floor again. Ianto just didn't know what else to say. Tosh was nice and smart and was beautiful and there was Jack, just Jack in his mind.

"I know," Tosh finally said quietly, drawing Ianto's eyes up from the floor, "I do and… and I'm just sorry."

Tosh turned to the conference table and gathered up her papers. Holding them against her chest she stood in front of Ianto, gazing up at him. Her eyes looked like Lisa's for just a moment and Ianto had to shut his eyes.

"So…" Ianto opened his eyes as Tosh spoke. "I'll, um, I'll see you tomorrow then."

Ianto nodded, "Good night, Tosh."

She stood still in front of him. Ianto knew she wanted to kiss him again. He didn't move either way. They could get past this easily, couldn't they? Just like everything else that went away so easily at Torchwood, of course.

"Jack will come back." Tosh said suddenly.

Ianto blinked at her, afraid to reply lest his voice shake. How did Tosh surprise him twice today?

"He will." Tosh said, though she did not sound sure. "Good night, Ianto."

Then she turned and walked away, out of the conference room and into the hub. Ianto followed her course with his eyes until she reached the circular door and walked out. Once the door closed Ianto learned how to move again, sat down at the table, leaned his elbows on the surface, and put his chin on his hands.

Ianto thought of kisses and water and dark hair and Lisa and paperwork and chases and near misses and Jack and Tosh and endless days and coffee and waiting and worrying and crying and Jack and always, always Jack.

5


End file.
